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Hello. I'm 5'3".

I've been a yo yo all my life, though, I normally bounced between 120 lbs and 140 lbs. After 30, it became more like 130 lbs and 150 lbs. In my mid-30s I even bounced up to 155 lbs. Two reasons spurred me to lose weight at that point, the first was that I was heavier than I'd ever been, even right after the birth of my first son. The second reason was that I wanted to quit smoking and I knew that I'd gain a few pounds doing it.

I had gotten myself down to 140 lbs, or a touch under, when I quit. I felt good and I was happy with myself. I was about a size 9/10. I quit smoking and I've been quit for 19 months of pure and utter hell. I'm regaining my head and reigning in my emotions, and I'm ready, I think, to drop the weight I gained. I am sure at some point I hit 180, which is 7 lbs more than I was fully 9 months pregnant with my first son who I gained 42 lbs having. Ack and Egads. Perspective-wise, that is brutal.

The last time I was weighed, I was 176 lbs. My goal is 135, but I'll be happy enough between 140 and 145, as that is where most of my business clothes fit.

I use natural hygeine, though it's a bitch to stay on and be happy about. The problem with me is definitely happiness. Since I quit smoking I've felt like food is my last earthly pleasure (my partner quit too, and he lost his sex drive with the nicotine) and fire and brimstone to anyone that would take it away from me. I want chippies, ice cream, and donuts. Not to mention that food does taste better, and I want to eat more of it. I gained all the weight while doing 6 hours of jiu jitsu a week, or playing at least 3 hours of ball hockey a week, and thank gods for it or I don't know what I'd have reached. I've stopped that due to a car accident in March which limits my ability to exercise. I've tried, but my neck starts to ache as soon as I become heated. I'm not gaining now, or at least not more than yo yoing around 5 lbs up or down, but I'm not losing either.

I would never question anyone else's methods, and mine is a good one, and I do not want to try anything else. What works for you is fine. This normally works for me, but I think a combination of age, lack of exercise, and cheating is what is causing the lack of progress.

That's why I joined. So maybe I could get some pro-exercise, anti-cheating support.

I eat nothing but fruit until 4 pm weekdays. On the weekends sometimes I have pancakes for breakfast. I do fine until 4 pm on weekdays, then it all goes to hell, I forget about proper combining because I just got home from my sit-on-my-ass-all-day job, and I'm tired and hungry and kids, spouse, and pets are whining at me. I fought with the same demons when I prepared to quit smoking. The more I thought about quitting, the more I smoked. The more I think about weight loss, the more I eat, because I don't want to give up my pleasure. I start every day with good intentions. I end with high fat foods.

Why do I want to lose weight?

Because I do enjoy athletics. I love martial arts and (ball and ice) hockey and it'd be nice to be able to move quickly and keep up, let alone breathe.

Because I don't come from good stock. My mother and grandmother had heart issues, and my father and uncle had cancer issues, and I do believe that you are what you eat, and that eating well is the basis for good health.

Because I want to fit my business clothes that are all between 8 and 11, while I'm in a 14 now. I don't want to spend a fortune on new clothes and I haven't, I've been making due with elastic band skirts and pants, and buying cheap walmart stuff.

I want to be able to bend over and tie my shoes without working up a sweat, and do other normal every day things that I used to be able to do without much trouble that now require effort.

I want to feel good about myself, and feel good about the fact that I actually am in control of my life and that I do have enough power to shape myself into something that I love. I've always driven myself on ego, but it's not working this time. I can't understand it.

So here I am. I don't have a measure tape. My first mini-goal is to be a size 12 though, so how about I say, by Thanksgiving I will be a size 12? Good. I expect you all to hold me to it.

Beginning numbers 43/45.25/51.5

Good grief. I hadn't realized I was a pear. o.O;;

Anyhow, I posted the rest earlier, so here's the last bit.

212 and dropping... I hope.

Okay, so here I am.

This journal is largely defunct, as I'm now primarily at GJ. It's nice to have a use for it, though, and some support in the seemingly never-ending journey.

I think I'm about 212. That's what I was when I weighed in at my mom's about a week ago. I don't own a scale, and my doctor thinks this is a good thing. I'll be keeping track of my successes through my seamstress's tape, which I adore for knitting, and is suddenly finding itself dual-purpose. I'll post the actual numbers tonight.

I work in a sedentary job. I have a 1.5 hour commute- each way - daily for work. This leaves me with little or no gym-time if I want to actually socialize with my wonderful Alec, who is losing weight every time I look at him. Thing is, while he's dropping pounds like mad, I'm still at the same weight, if not gaining. And I can't for the life of me figure why. I'm drinking a ton of water, I'm eating less, and better, I'm eating five or six small meals daily, cutting out junk and soda, and other such good things, and nothing happens. I'm going to keep trying, though, and we'll see if it's just a shift from fat to muscle.

The rest of the background is that I spent 13 years on the pill. I'm now off that, and apparently my carriage of my weight has the doctor watching my thyroid. We'll see how THAT goes.

I want to lose this weight because:

-I want to be healthy.
-I want to not have to shop in plus anymore.
-I want to stop outgrowing my clothes while they're still in style the FIRST time.
-I want to be a healthy environment for a baby, before we're ready to have babies.
-I want to not have to hear my mother ask me if I'm going on a diet, or tell me that I really could use to lose a few.
-I want to feel as beautiful as Alec tells me I am.

The list continues, but that's the brunt of it. Thanks for having me, and good luck to all!

284 Pounds

On Wednesday, I am going back to Weight Watchers.

It's expensive, but it's also the only thing that works for me.

I'm kind of excited about it and kind of depressed about it at the same time. I've never been this heavy before in my life, and I don't want to be anymore.

Reasons to go:

1. I want to be healthier for when Andy and I try to have children.
2. Being bigger, I feel like I'm letting my bandmates down.
3. I want to shop for cool clothing again. Anyone who is plus-size knows finding clothes that fit and are fashionable is difficult.
4. I want to bring down my high blood pressure.
5. I'm tired of being tired.


Weight Loss For Health

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September 2006


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